Sunday, May 9, 2010

This tastes like chicken

Eat First! 609 H Street Northwest

Eat First! is probably called "Eat First!" because you should eat before you get here - just in case you don't feel like getting food poisoning. My arch nemesis, we'll call her Megan, dragged us here last week for a bite to eat, claiming it was an amazing experience - most notable for its "flaming volcano for passionate lovers" drink that feeds four.

I'll hand it to her in regards to the drink - it was even better than the Kicker! Less fruit juice made of high fructose corn syrup and more alcohol. But, I will not concede that the food is edible. The only way you can conceivably eat that crap is if you drink the flaming volcano first which effectively numbs your taste buds. Then, and only then, does the Mongolian beef taste like beef. Then and only then, does the goopiness of the Kung Pao sauce cease to nauseate you. Seriously, as I scooped a spoonful of the Kung Pao chicken, the sauces goopy disgustingness hung onto the spoon as if it was melted cheese. Food is NOT supposed to act like cheese if it is not cheese! As I was eating the food, it actually tasted good - I won't lie. However, when I awoke the morning after my stomach was very angry with me. It insisted that I never listen to Megan again.

Megan - it's so over. I'm choosing the dinner locale next time.