Friday, July 9, 2010

Tom Colicchio: Not just my crush, but also my hero

Despite his annoyingly arrogant remarks the swarthy Tom Colicchio provides on a weekly basis on the Bravo Channel for all of the American public to witness, I truly am in love with this man. At first my love for him was purely based on the way he walked into a room - I slowly also noticed there was something about his mannerisms, his stature as he stood there just staring at the contestants that I found utterly sexy. Some might call me crazy, I mean after all, he is a large bald human being by no means tan, in fact quite pasty. I'm sure his chest, once rippling with muscles in his younger years, has now be deduced to large rolls of fat with random hairs all over it, what color they are, we will never know.

My love for Tom slowly faded over the last season of Top Chef, I assume because I got a little bored with his antiquated comments on the contestants cooking. I no longer swooned when he walked on the set. I didn't really care that he was filming in DC and therefore didn't go "Tom Colicchio hunting" at the hippest of restaurants. Plus, he just started to seem petty - I mean eating delicious food time and time again and your only job is to critique its imperfections however slight. It felt more like I was hanging out with a whiny boyfriend instead of watching an enjoyable heart throb.

HOWEVER......Tom stole my heart most recently when he testified in front of the House Education and Labor Committee on Improving Nutrition for America's Children Act. WHAT???!!!!! Tom Colicchio is more than just perfectly seared tuna, finely prepared pastas and delicious wines? Tom actually cares about children?! Not just his own, but all of America's! He also shared that he is the son of a lunch lady, Mrs. Beverly Colicchio. I can just imagine, Beverly with her gray hair and face oddly resembling her son's, serving us sloppy joes and mac and cheese at my elementary school. My favorite hot lunch item was the deep fried burritos - I loved them so much because of that chewy substance that they called "meat," but I knew it wasn't meat, it was something else - I did not care what.

Point is, Tom has revived my crush on an old pasty white bald man. Move over Woody Harrelson.

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